


Horrorpop_SodaPop's Freaky Factory Trials

by Entomolojest



Category: Creepypasta - Fandom, Neopets
Genre: Body Horror, Bugs & Insects, Humor with a side of "oh god" and "wait this is a creepypasta OH NO", Mild Gore, No proofreading we die like neopians, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22872985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Entomolojest/pseuds/Entomolojest
Summary: Gamesmaster AAA and his sister, Abigail, find themselves trapped in the fabled game. Can they make it out in tact? Find out!This is the official creepypasta written by Entomolojest, AKA batcircus on Neopets! HPSPFFT in not proofread in any way, and I hope it makes you laugh! Everyone belongs to me except for AAA and Abigail.
Kudos: 1





	1. HPSPFFT CH0 | PROLOGUE

_…With a withered digit I flicked on the boiler room light where I keep my computer and most valued collections. The Horrorpop_SodaPop’s Freaky Factory Trails cartridge had somehow migrated to every surface I glanced at, mocking me, taunting me, to play it. It sat there now next to my Neo64, and for a moment I saw it ooze a thick, black liquid that smelled like past-due mustard and moldy bread. It filled my head with a cocophonous buzzing, thousands of insects clamoring to gouge my eye sockets…  
  
… It is with a heavy heart, dear readers, that I tell you I caved. I put the cursed cartridge in the consol and started it up. The screen was black for a while before it sprang up in bright neon colors. The title flashed for a while, then it dropped and asked me if I wanted to play in simple white letters. There was only one option: Yes. At this point I wanted to scream, I wanted to tear myself away from the game and burn the consol, but something… compelled me. I hit yes. And readers? You won’t believe what happened next…  
  
… Suddenly I was in the game. The main character on the front, Horrorpop, took me up in his coils and squeezed me until my eyes nearly popped out. He was vicious, unrelenting in his voice, those razmataz-ish eyes still haunt me in my sleep today…._

\------

  
"Abigail are you reading this cr--" AAA was halfway through shoveling cheesy puffs into his mouth. An Abigail-shaped hole filled the beanbag beside him. "Hey, where did you..."  
  
He looked back at the empty room spread before him. Video game paraphernalia lay wasted across the floor, accented by unwashed clothes piles and snack wrappers. There was a single path to the door, carved out by Abigail, who refused to touch his hoverchair and instead went by foot. He wondered why as he slathered his cheese dust fingers over the crusted buttons. The chair puttered over toppled figures and a soda stained plush of himself.  
  
AAA beelined for his sister’s bedroom and kicked the door. No answer.  
  
“Abigail! I wasn’t done telling you the story yet!” AAA whined. He heard rummaging from the kitchen downstairs and an eventual-- in his sister’s usual fashion-- huffy response.  
  
He didn’t bother parsing it and slipped past his parent’s empty room. The stairway was a tight squeeze for his hover chair: It knocked into one of the portraits and chipped it for the umpteenth time. The kitchen wasn’t better with its expansive island, wide stove and his obnoxious sister perched on a stool like a vulture. She shifted through the mail, a banged up package to the right of his orange mug.  
  
“THAT isn’t yours,” he said, reaching for the mug. “and you are so rude! I took the time to share something with you which I like, never do because you’re always in my business anyway, and then you up and leave? To get the MAIL?”  
  
Abigail brows did that crumpling thing whenever she was confused, upset or emotionally constipated in general. She tossed the disgusting package at him and took a sip from his mug, casually, as though it didn’t matter, and she filled it with tea of all things. He barely caught the package, causing his chair skid backwards.   
  
“What are you talking about? You finished reading me that thing, like, an hour ago. All you did was complain about it the whole time. I really don’t care about your drama,” Abigail said. “and last I checked this mug didn’t have your name on it.”  
  
AAA was stunned. He looked for a return address on the package, but there was none. His nose wrinkled.  
  
“Okay, hold on, first of all, what are YOU talking about? I was only halfway through that cruddy fanfic! And second of all, what is this? I didn’t order anything. Second of all, my name IS on the bottom-- and eugh! This smells like…” he paused. Mustard. It smelled like mustard and rot. “Uh… gross. It’s gross. Are you sure this isn’t one of yours?”  
  
Abigail shook her head. “Nuh-uh. I didn’t order anything either. Might be one of your adoring fans. Also, trust me, A-Man, you finished it. It was boring. And wow, you’re right. Huh. You’re more of a loser than I thought.”  
  
She set the mug down and sucked her teeth, then went to pick up one of the envelopes. She grabbed the scissors and made quick work of its contents, then tossed it in the garbage with the other scraps.  
  
“What was that?” AAA said.  
  
“Junk from Dad. Doesn’t matter. Here, open that package already,” she handed him the scissors. “Unless you’re chicken.”  
  
“I am not!” AAA huffed and opened the package in one swift motion. The smell of mustard intensified, they both gagged, and AAA threw the brown paper across the kitchen. Inside was a cartridge with a ratty piece of tape. Scrawled on the top were the letters “ _H.P.S.P.F.F.T.”_. His gut did a somersault.  
  
Abigail’s snicker brought him to his senses. “Y-Your face--”  
  
“Oh REAL funny, just laugh it off, will you? Geeze! That could’ve been dangerous for both of us!” AAA snapped, his horror hastily replaced with frustration. “You did this, didn’t you!?”  
  
“Nuh-uh, nothing! It smells too awful to be me. Are you sure it didn’t… snrk… come from your room? And isn’t it that--”  
  
“Yes, yes it is. Shut up. Someone must’ve found out my address and sent me a fake cartridge to scare me. That’s all. Ugh. Well, it didn’t work.” AAA flipped his hoverchair around and scootered up the stairs. He could hear Abigail’s base laughter crescendo as he hit the painting again and promptly slammed his door.  
  
He threw the cartridge into a pile of dirty boxers and retreated to the foulest corner. He woke his computer and clacked viciously to his social media, where he had several new messages demanding he play the so-called _Horrorop_SodaPop’s Freaky Factory Trails_ or lose his Games Master title.  
  
Oh, very funny. He left a tasteful message to the anonymous donor and reached for his cheese puffs.  
  
What an idiotic prank to play.


	2. HPSPFFT CH1 | LEVEL ONE: START

**One Month Later…**

To think Abigail would sink so low as to do the most despicable, incomprehensible act of carnage in AAA’s own room. She picked and plucked and savaged his private sanctum, wearing that smug, holier-than-thou expression on her snout. Abigail puffed and pilfered yet another limited edition soda can and popped it into her trash bag.  
  
She was cleaning his room without his consent-- their monthly sibling rivalry ritual that usually shook the foundation of their home. This time Abigail sneaked in while he was gaming too hard to notice and on the verge of another biting high score. She picked the lock and started small, working from the plushies to the dusty, toppled figures on the shelves.  
  
He whipped around the moment his seventh cheese puff bag crunched into purgatory. AAA perched himself on his hover chair and brandished a Grarrl-Grabber. He clacked its plastic jaws threateningly.  
  
“Get out of my room, Abs!”  
  
She waved him off and snapped a glove on. “Not until I clean this disaster. I mean, are you kidding me? I can smell you from _downstairs_. When was the last time you washed your clothes? Or showered?”  
  
Abigail put her hands on her hips while AAA snapped the Grarrl again. They glared at each other. The audacity of the woman...  
  
“We have this conversation every month and I’m NOT having it again! I could’ve lost all my progress! All of it! You’re not allowed in my room unless I say so and that’s final!” AAA stamped his foot and caused the chair to lurch forward.  
  
“I’ll stop coming in here when you start taking care of yourself. We have a guest coming over, one you invited, by the way, and I’m SURE you want him to see your mountain of _undies_.” she teasingly waved the topmost pair off his pile, then sorted it into another bag. Beneath it was the strange cartridge he got in the mail. It stank.  
  
Abigail picked it up and examined it. “You still haven’t played this? And why is it in your dirty laundry?”  
  
  
AAA flatlined and leapt for the cartridge. His howl of rage startled Abigail and they tumbled into the pile. He hit her square in the forehead with the plastic Grarrl, which elicited a swift kick to his stomach. They scuffled, scratched and pulled at each other’s ears. AAA gained the advantage when Abigail clocked against one of the shelving units and got a face full of plushies. He went to grab the cartridge, but she kept moving it _just_ out of reach.  
“Give! It! To! Me! That’s not yours!” AAA punched her through the plushies.  
  
“Ow! No, not until you answer my question! And get OFF of me you turd! You usually play games like these by now. What, are you chicken?”  
  
AAA was done. He bounced off his tail and snatched the cartridge. He shoved it in his trousers.  
  
“I am not a chicken! I just… haven’t had the time!”  
  
“That’s bologna and you know it! You _always_ play ALL your games! You’re either chicken or you’re just waiting to show off to Ch-”  
  
“ENOUGH! I’ll play it RIGHT NOW? Happy?” AAA hobbled to his Neo64 and took out his previous game. He made the process laboriously slow. He trembled every time he looked at the forsaken cartridge, feeling a buzz deep in his throat. Abigail grew impatient and loomed over his shoulder.  
  
“Can I have… some space?” he said.  
  
Abigail picked up a half-finished can of orange soda and raised a brow at him. “It takes you, like, not even a millisecond to get it going. What’s the holdup?”  
  
“What’s your rush?”  
  
AAA snorted and went to put the game in. He hesitated and bit his lip.  
  
“Oh, c’mon you chicken, let me do it--” Abigail swiped the cartridge, soda in one hand. She nearly plunged it into the socket when AAA grabbed hold of it.  
  
“Let. Go.”  
  
“You let go! What’s so scary about this game, anyway? I’ve NEVER seen you this freaked out!”  
  
AAA yanked the cartridge from her, spilling soda on both of them in the process. In his fury he slapped it directly into the slot. They looked at each other, dumbfounded, then hastily looked at the screen. A cheery jingle played, but the screen was pitch black, a gnawing, expanding black that seemed to gobble the room.  
  
The buzzing grew, and out went the lights. Thousands of flies swarmed Abigail and tore her bit by bit, then flew into the consol without a scream. AAA scooted back and groped for his Grarrl-Grabber, but nothing was there. The carpet was replaced with a smooth, black surface, and the walls were being swallowed every miserable second he dry heaved.  
  
He made a break for the door as the flies emerged again. Every step he took made the door seem farther and farther until it became a wishful pinprick. AAA spun around: It was black in every direction, and the flies were gathering en masse. He sobbed and ran. Direction was meaningless so long as it put distance between him and the rabid swarm.  
  
AAA tripped on his tail. He dived face-first into the black. He never crashed, he _fell_. The swarm peeked at the receding edge as he flailed and shrieked. The wind mocked his descent like a slide whistle.  
  
A large fish hook shot from below and lodged in his stomach, the line fading into nowhere. AAA tried to yank it out, but it flipped him turnways and tore a gaping hole. He was sucked down, down, faster and faster, like a yolk through a terrible pinhole, until he finally smacked against a flat surface.  
  
He peeled himself off the ground and put a hand to his stomach. He was perfectly intact, if not traumatized and feeling slightly rearranged. He gagged and regurgitated flies. AAA returned to his back and closed his eyes. His head was pounding, his guts were scrambled and he was alone.  
  
Where was Abigail.  
  
Something many-legged and massive scuttered over him. AAA opened an eye and saw nothing but black. Then some _one_ snapped: spotlights illuminated AAAs rumpled, whimpering form looking frantically for the source.  
  
"WELL LOOO-OOKIE WHAT WE HAVE HERE!"  
  
AAA startled. The voice boomed like a 90s commercial, eccentric, fast and wholly obnoxious. It was accompanied by more ominous leg clicks, possibly hundreds.  
  
"THE COOL KOUGRA'S OUT OF HIS HOLE, FINALLY GRACIN’ US WITH HIS PRESENCE? OR SHOULD I SAY... HAPPENIN' BLUMAROO?"  
  
An eye-searingly lime and pink figure crawled in and out of view. Or part of it.  
  
“Uh… wh-who are you?” AAA squeaked.  
  
The thing gasped. "I THINK IT IS. OH, NO, IT COULDN'T BE!"  
  
Fan-fair blared in his eardrums. Mandibles gnashed dangerously close to his neck. He whipped around and saw nothing.  
  
"THE ONE, THE ONLY-- THE FAMOUS, THE DECKED OUT STEAKHOUSE OF A MAN--"  
  
The creature curled around AAA with blinding speed. He was trapped firmly between the undulating legs and the thick pink-and-green carapace. It seemed to stretch on forever, until the body’s owner reared its-- his head.  
  
He had four massive, clawed arms. Two were busy toting an oversized sucker while the other tapped his mandibles. He grinned at AAA, flashing rows of gnarled pink teeth. His cherry jacket glistened in the dark, and AAA could swear the garish squiggle design moved every time he blinked.  
  
"ARISTOTLE A. ANVIROO. WE'V HEARD SOOO-OOO MUCH ABOUT YOU. NAME’S HORRORPOP_SODAPOP, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME HP OR HORROR, DIG?"  
  
Horror pinched AAA’s snout. He batted Horror away and, despite being scared out of his bowels, AAA fixed his glasses and spoke in a threatening prepubescent male manner.  
  
“Where is my sister!? And stop touching me!”  
  
“WHY DONTCHA LOOK FOR YOURSELF, SMARTY?” Horror picked AAA up in his top set of arms and spun him around. Abigail was standing there, unmaimed, unphased, and quizzically staring at him. Next to her was a gigantic orange cricket dominated by a puffy blue coat.  
  
AAA stammered. The cricket was covered in stitches and flies. Horror stared down at him.  
  
“WELL? GOING TO SAY ANYTHING TO MY SWEETHEART? THIS IS BEELZEBUGZ, MY LOVING SPOUSE AND PLAYER TWO. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT QUESTION--”  
  
“Whoa, whoa, wait! You never answered MY question. Where am I and why is my sister with them?” AAA said.  
  
  
Horror turned AAA to face him. He was dwarfed in his hands.  
  
“ACTUALLY, I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION, KID, BUT FINE, IF YOU MUST INTERRUPT THE HOST,” he cleared his throat. He didn’t have one. “YOU’RE IN MY GAME. I THINK YOU CALL IT _HORRORPOP_SODAPOP’S FREAKISHLY BORING FACTORY TRIVIALS_? DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, OF COURSE I COULD HEAR YOU.”  
  
“AS FOR YOUR SISTER, SHE WILL REMAIN IN BEELZE’S COMPANY UNLESS YOU CHOOSE TWO-PLAYER MODE, WHICH I WAS GOING TO GET TO. HOW DOES THAT SOUND?”  
  
“Sooo what you’re saying is… I can choose whether or not I WANT to play with my little sister?” AAA said.  
  
Abigail smacked her forehead audibly. Horror’s grin was palpable.  
  
“THAT’S EXACTLY IT, MY MAN! PICK YOUR POISON, THEN WE’LL GET ON TO DIFFICULTY.”  
  
Before AAA could open his mouth Abigail pounced. “Uh, Horror, sir? May I have a minute to speak with my brother? Privately?”  
  
Horror looked from Beelze, who nodded, and back to Abigail. He shrugged.  
  
“I DON’T SEE WHY NOT. IT ISN’T AGAINST THE RULES OR ANYTHING… YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS, THOUGH.”  
  
Abigail rushed to AAA’s side and yanked him by the ear.  
  
“Listen, A-Man, I don’t care what you think about me as a gamer, but you CAN’T beat this alone. I mean look at him, he’s had that nefarious look on his face ever since he dragged you in here!” Abigail said.  
  
“I don’t even know what that means! And let go, yeesh! This is exactly why I’m playing alone. You always step on my toes!”  
  
“YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS, KIDDOS.” Horror chimed.  
  
“Okay, okay, whatever, but you’re smarter than this-- at least, I hope you are. Some demonic game sucks you in and you want to beat it on your own? No offense,” she said, turning to Beelze. They shook their head. “Just choose two player for the love of--”  
  
“TIME IIIIS UP! WHAT’LL IT BE, ARISTOTLE?”   
  
Horror arched over the two and cast a chilling shadow over them. AAA averted his gaze from Abigail and looked past Beelze, into the infinite black beyond. When he focused he could see the fabric of reality sew itself, each second a new patch over a static hole. He grimaced.  
  
“HELLOOO-OOO? MR. DAYDREAMER? WAKE UP! HEY! WHAT’S YOUR ANSWER?” Horror prodded him with his lollipop.  
  
“Huh? Oh, shoot, uhm, single player, obviously. Sorry, Abs.” he wasn’t sorry, and Abigail knew it.  
  
Bleeze came behind her and patted her shoulder. They vanished in a cloud of flies, fluttering into nothing. AAA was alone, and Horror had a predatory smirk on his mandibles, his eyes impossibly wide. He clicked and clacked in delight.  
  
“OOOOH I WAS HOPING YOU’D SAY THAT, KIDDO, VERY NOBLE OF YOU! NOW I HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION BEFORE WE CAN START: HARD MODE, OR EASY MODE? HARD MODE HAS SOME… CONDITIONS, BUT I’M SURE A GAMER OF YOUR CALIBER CAN HANDLE IT.”  
  
“And those conditions are…?” AAA leaned in.  
  
“IF YOU WIN, YOU GET TO LEAVE THIS PLACE WITHOUT HARM AND KEEP YOUR GAMES MASTER TITLE. IF I WIN, YOU HAVE TO FORFEIT YOUR TITLE TO ME.” Horror said.  
  
AAA scoffed. “As if I could lose to this,” he spun around. “There’s nothing here! Hard mode, as always. You’ve got yourself a deal.”  
  
Horror extended his hand and they shook on it. On contact AAA electricity raced through his nerves. Like a dream, their environment changed: they were in front of a clammy, old mansion overrun with vegetation. It was a blocky structure with three floors and a sharp overhang, lumped against a wrought iron fence. The paint chipped like teeth baleful around the windows and porch.  
  
It had to be twice AAA”s scale, as he climbed up the stairs while Horror scaled effortlessly. got a full whiff of the dusted, musty odor when a draft rattled through the cracked door. It was cold, like a shock of anxiety.  
  
“WELCOME TO MY MANSION, ARISTOTLE!” Horror said. “YOUR FIRST TASK IS SIMPLE: FIND MY GOLDEN BEETLE RING WITHIN THE NEXT 72 HOURS. DO THAT, AND YOU BEAT LEVEL ONE. SOUND SIMPLE?”  
  
AAA caught his breath. “You’re telling me… you’re sending me… on a fetch quest!?”  
  
“EXACTLY!” Horror chittered.  
  
“That’s… I thought this was hard mode? What, no enemies or anything? This is just an empty mansion,” AAA laughed despite himself. “I’ll do it in a day.”  
  
“OOOOH THAT’S THE SPIRIT! I LIKE YOUR SPUNK, KID! NOW HOP TO IT! CHOP CHOP! I’LL SEE YOU IN 72 HOURS! OR Y’KNOW, JUST CALL.” he winked.  
  
AAA took a step forward and was jarringly slammed inside the mansion. The door locked behind him in a cloud of dust. Horror was gone, and all was quiet. AAA sighed and reached into his pocket, finding not the mint he wanted, but a flashlight. He decided not to question it and flicked it on, illuminating the vine slicked gallery. It led into a higher landing by two curved, wing-like staircases that were equally treacherous. In the center a once glorious chandelier crumbled into a sharded spider’s nest. AAA craned his neck to see the top, tip-toeing around the perimeter of the stairs, but it was too high. The steps reached his midsection, so he’d have to climb again.  
  
He went for the leftmost staircase, putting the flashlight in his mouth. He swung one leg at a time over the next step and hopped up. Towards the middle plant life had begun to seep through the cracks, making his hops less planned and more hobbled.  
  
His gait ended when a passing trunk tripped him. He went face-first into the mossy marble, clinging to his glasses. A branch had wrapped itself around his ankle and refused to budge. He kicked it feebly.  
  
“Let go!” AAA went to hit it with the butt of his flashlight when another branch snatched his wrist double-quick. They hoisted him off the ground, his stomach lurched and his glasses and flashlight went click-clacking down the steps. The branches reeled back and tossed him up to the third floor, right into the nested maw of the creature.  
  
It chomped clean through the tip of his tail as he bolted across the new landing, tripping over racing foliage and bones. He took a hard right into a hallway and ran into the nearest room. It was cavernous, with a bed hovering over his head and precarious bookshelf towering above. A slam against the door. AAA panicked blindly in the dark. He groped around for something, anything useful around the oversized bedroom.  
  
His hand met a scaly surface, slick with mucus and rumbling. He realized he was under the bed, its rungs now illuminated by six red, piercing eyes. The creature was pitch black and shapeless, and stuck its talons into the wood. AAA swallowed audibly. It growled and unfurled a pair of eye-speckled wings. The door slammed again, once, twice.  
  
AAA did what he knew best: Run. He ducked in time to see the monster under the bed sail into the door, and thus the branch battering ram that had formed outside. They tangled, snarling and whipping, until the beast conjured a jet of flame and burned it to a crisp. It didn’t stop there: It launched off the side of the hallway and went straight for the stationary plant monster.  
  
AAA watched from the doorway and flinched at every belch of flame. He experimentally stepped into the hall and smeared the burnt plant paste under his shoe. There was a snap, a tremor in the house, and a scream. Then there was nothing.  
  
He went back to the center of the landing. There was a hole where the two fought. Well, there was that problem solved. AAA peered between the third floor balcony’s railing. Thick vines descended to the second floor, curled in perfect spirals. Based on his encyclopedic knowledge of games, there had to be something important down there. It was too perfectly aligned, and he was not equipped to deal with those rooms, so he sighed and reached for a vine, shakily turning so he’d go down facing the landing.  
Horror’s ugly green mug greeted him out of nowhere, four arms splayed out like a spider as he tried to meet AAA’s level.  
  
“YOU KNOOOW… I TOLD YOU YOU COULD ASK FOR HELP IF YOU WANTED.”  
  
AAA screamed and wheeled his arms as he shot backwards. He grasped a cluster of leaves on the railing and barely pulled himself up, fury, sweat and terror caked.  
  
“Could… you… NOT!?” AAA shoved into Horror. “I could’ve fallen! I would've-- I could’ve DIED! Go away! I don’t want your help! Just shoo!”  
  
Horror rose to his full height and shook his head. He held AAA’s glasses. “I AIN’T A FLY, Y’KNOW. YOU’VE CERTAINLY GOT SOME ‘TUDE! ...BUT I SEE HOW IT IS. CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE!”  
  
And he was gone.  
  
“ _Yeah, well, your partner sure is…_ ” AAA grumbled and resumed his trembling climb. He put his left foot down and waited for the vine to stop trembling, then slowly, ever so gently, deployed his right. He felt a root snap underfoot and dug his claws into the vine. It seemed to respond by whipping violently from the top down, wave-like.  
  
He wrapped himself around the trunk as his arms collided with the edge of the landing. He looked up and, with another confident scream, was decked in the snout with a giant lollipop. AAA landed crumpled in a pile of plant matter, sap and dust. He coughed vigorously and nursed his injured snout.  
  
“What was that for!?” AAA called. Above, Horror looked like a vine himself, hanging over the edge and twirling the lollipop. He snapped his left.  
  
“OH, I DUNNO, JUST HELPING! TAKE A LOOK AROUND, KID!” Horror laughed and slid away. Moments later AAA’s glasses beaned him in the head, followed by the flashlight when he turned around.  
  
AAA cleaned off his glasses and put them on. Once he could see, the second floor began to expand inward, and lights flooded the space on both sides. A pedestal rose from the center on a circular platform, and neon show signs dropped from fishing lines above. An invisible audience applauded as a hulking figure stalked up to the center stage and leaned on the pedestal.  
  
She was beetle-like with a protruding tusk from the center of her face. Wings buzzed out from behind her, and her mandibles flared, her palps vibrating in delight. She looked like a clown, ruffled, overalled and decked out in white and red makeup on her cheeks. Instead of dots, they were multiplication and division signs, much like her eyes.  
  
“GOOOOOOD MORNING, AFTERNOON AND NIGHT, LADIES, GENTS AND OTHERFOLK! MY NAME IS TIPPYTAPPSY AND YOU’RE JOINING US FOR THE FIRST-EVER EPISODE OOOOF…” the woman flexed with two sets of beefy arms. Flames shot up around AAA, and the audience chimed in.  
  
“CAN! YOU! MATH IIIIIT!?”  
  
AAA plugged his ears. “Does everyone here have to scream?”  
  
“OF COURSE WE DO-- HONK!” she danced on stage and the crowd went wild. “IT’S ALLLL APART OF THE GIG. SO, LITTLE BUDDY, ARE YOU READY TO PLAY?”  
  
“No…?”  
  
She reached out to pull AAA on stage anyway. He was, like the rest of the house, a toddler next to her. She pulled a smaller pedestal with a microphone out of it and scooted it in front of him.  
  
“HEH, THERE YOU GO, BUD. NOW, AS FOR THE RULES…”  
  
A screen chunked down and whirred to life. It showed a cartoony AAA and Tippy.  
  
“YOU MUST ANSWER THREE-- THAT’S RIGHT, THREE! HONK!-- MATH-RELATED QUESTIONS ABOUT NEOPIA CORRECTLY. FOR EVERY QUESTION YOU GET WRONG, YOU LOSE 5 WHOLE HOURS OFF YOU TOTAL CLOCK!”  
  
“YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS TO ANSWER EACH AND, IF YOU GET THEM ALL WRONG, LET’S JUST SAY YOUR SISTER WILL BE… IN FOR A SURPRISE?”  
  
AAA blanked. “Whoa, wait, why do I have to do this!? I don’t have time for this! I have to get that ring--”  
  
Tippy grabbed him by the head and plopped him back on stage. She tutted.  
  
“NUH, UH. YOU CANNOT FORFEIT THIS GAME. YOU’D STILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES, THOUGH WORSE, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE IT A GO! YOU’RE A SMART BOY, AREN’T YOU?”  
  
AAA crossed his arms. “ _No,_ ”  
  
“WHAT WAS THAT? OOOOH IS THAT QUITTER TALK?” the crowd gasped. AAA lit up.  
  
“I am NOT a quitter! Okay, FINE. Let’s play your stupid game already.”  
  
“ALLLLRIGHT! DRUMROLL PLEASE FOR YOUUUUR FIIIRST QUESTION…!”  
  
AAA plugged his ears again. The beat threatened to crack his glasses from the force.  
  
“QUESTION ONE: WHAT ARE THE EXACT COORDINATES OF THE ALTADOR CASTLE?” Tippy said.  
  
AAA’s jaw hit the floor. The screen started a countdown.  
  
“Th… that’s gotta be a joke. That’s not even math, that’s Geography!” AAA babbled.  
  
“THE ONLY JOKE HERE SEEMS TO BE YOUR SPORTSMANSHIP, LITTLE BUDDY! YOU’VE GOT 10 SECONDS LEFT!”  
  
“But we just started-”  
  
“AND TIIIIME’S UP! THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS: 47.5576° N, 10.7498° E. THAT’S STRIIIKE ONE!” Tippy banged on the pedestal and the room flashed red. The crowd booed and hissed, throwing tomatoes from somewhere in the void.  
  
AAA threw his hands in the air. “This isn’t fair! C’mon, all of you-- this is SO stupid!”  
  
“NOW TIME YOUR NEXT QUESTION. A COPY OF 381 DIRT JOKES COSTS 1,500 NEOPOINTS. IF THE INFLATION IS RAISED TO 4.35%, WHAT IS THE CURRENT PRICE OF 381 DIRT JOKES. YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS. GO.”  
  
“Do I even get a piece of paper!? Uh, uh, gosh, I’m--” he scrambled and scraped his brain. “Is it--”  
  
“TIME IS UUUUP ONCE AGAIN! THAT’S STRIIIIKE TWO, SQUIRT! THE ANSWER WAS 2,296 NEOPOINTS!” the crowd assaulted him with food once again. “NOW, NOW FOLKS, WE’LL GET ON TO THE THIRD AND FINAL QUESTION AFTER THIS PSA FROM OUR FAVORITE SPONSER: HOOORRORRRPOPPP!”  
  
Tippytappsy dragged AAA off the stage to make way for Horror. He wore a business-like purple suit instead of his bright red jacket, and discarded his headphones for slimmer headset. He cleared his throat.  
  
“GAMERS… I COME TO YOU TODAY TO DISCUSS A SERIOUS MATTER, SO HERE’S THE 411: DRUGS ARE A SERIOUS MATTER IN OUR COMMUNITIES. IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE HAVE DONE, ARE CONSIDERING DOING, OR ARE CURRENTLY IN POSSESSION OF ILLEGAL DRUGS, STOP AND GET HELP FROM AN ADULT OR AUTHORITY FIGURE.”  
  
He adjusted his bowtie and bowed.  
  
“THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.”  
  
Horror disappeared from the stage and the crowd clapped. Tippy blew her nonexistent nose into an ever-expanding row of tissues and offered one to AAA. He declined and crawled back on stage.  
  
“OH, WASN’T THAT BEAUTIFUL?” Tippy sobbed. “YOU SQUIRTS STAY SAFE OUT THERE! NOW, FOR OUR FINAL QUESTION, ARE YOU READY, LITTLE BUDDY?”  
  
AAA rubbed his forehead.  
  
“Sure. Break a leg.”  
  
“CALCULATE THE VALUE OF Q IN SIMPLEST FORM IN THE FOLLOWING EQUATION: (q + 10/7)^2 = 192/49. 60 SECONDS. GO.”  
  
  
AAA groaned and fell on his rump. He waited for the time to run up, glaring at Tippy and her plastic expression. Why did he even bother? It hit zero suddenly and she popped to life.  
  
  
“AND THAAAT’S THREE STRIKES! YOOOU’RE OUT, SQUIRT!” Tippy held her arms in an X formation as the crowd boo’d again and the stage turned red. “HAVE FUN PAYIN YOUR TIME! 15 HOURS, REMEMBER?”   
  
“Wait, what?”  
  
A lever rose from the floor. She flipped it and waved as AAA plummeted through the floor. He was used to it by now and barely flinched when he crushed against the wood-paneled floorboards. AAA looked around: It was eerily similar to his room, barring the finer details and being huge. Piles of dirty laundry formed a mountainous horizon, dotted by soda can trees and cheese puff boulders. His Chadely figure had been knocked on its side, next to the plushie of himself.  
  
AAA sat against the figure and wondered what Chadely was up to. Or what Abigail was up to. He pulled his ears over his watery eyes and curled into a ball. He hardly had time to process the break-neck pace of the game, and it was catching up on his throat like a vice.  
  
He tenderly peeked at his tail and was relieved to find it whole, although he felt the plant monster bite it clean off before. The tomato paste was also gone. He was clean as a whistle, at least a bent and overused one.  
  
AAA rolled closer to the Chadely figure and found a blanket-sized sheet of paper sticking out of his neck. He nabbed it. It had numbers written like a poem in fine, spindly script. AAA spread it out on the floor and looked at it top to bottom. His sour mood lifted at the thought of a distraction, a puzzle, something he _could_ do.  
  
All he needed was a pencil. He reached into a pocket and pulled one out.  
  
Of course he did.  
  


\---

  
“...Soooo, your move.” Abigail said.  
  
Beelzebugz sat across from her, between them a fresh chess board and tea cups. To their left and right were screens and speakers honed in on AAA. Beelze slipped their small set of posable limbs out of their jacket and sipped their tea. Infuriatingly slow.  
  
They were in the center of a garden labyrinth, surrounded by walls of precious blooms of every shade. Abigail would’ve enjoyed it immensely had the pots and lamps not floated overhead, rearranged themselves, and made a great mess of it. She idly batted away a stray balloon and tapped her foot. She looked at her brother’s newest tantrum, how he fell down another hole. Gallant. Beelze finally put their cup halfway down when she turned back.  
  
“ _You are… impatient._ ” they mumbled.  
  
Abigail startled. “I mean, not really…” she caught herself twirling her hair. “Okay, yes, fine, maybe a little bit, but could we pleaaase hurry up with this game?”  
  
“ _What’s the rush…? You beat me… seven other times already._ ” Beelze buzzed.  
  
“Exactly! I want to play something else! My brother gets to have all the fun or, well-” she saw her brother sob in frustration and rolled her eyes. “He’s getting all the action and he can barely handle it! I want to DO something. No offence, of course.”  
  
Beelze reached for a pawn and held it above the board. “ _None taken. I think you should… slow down. You’re a smart girl…_ ” they went to place it, then hummed, put it back and picked a knight instead. Abigail bit her nails.  
  
“That’s flattering, really, but I’m not that smart. C’mon. Can’t we go explore your labyrinth? Something?”  
  
Beelze put the knight in its original place and went for their tea again. Abigail didn’t wait for a response.  
  
“You were one move from winning!” she blurted.  
  
Beelze brought their tiny hand to their chin. “ _Hmmm… oh, I see it. … You’re right. Told you. You’re a smart cookie… but that would be an unfair win. You get this round, Abigail…_ ”  
  
She threw herself into her chair and sighed. “Can we pleaaase do something eeelse…”  
  
“ _I suppose if you want to go into the labyrinth we can. It’s… dangerous. Not a place to lose your head…_ ” they took a pair of knitting needles that were drifting by and began to knit from nothing.  
  
  
“That sounds perfect. Please, I’d love to!” Abigail got to her feet.  
  
Beelze wiggled their antenne. “ _Not yet… patience. Let’s have lunch first.._ ”  
  
They tilted their head and a swarm of flies came out of their neck. They sagged slightly, but the flies beetled off and back, toting soup, crackers, and of course,  
  
“... More tea.” Abigail exhaled as the soup was put in front of her. There was a fly in it. She frowned and wondered if her brother felt the same: just a fly stuck in a bowl of hot soup.  
  


\---

  
AAA sat back and examined his handiwork: he had torn off a more neopian-sized piece of paper and decoded the hex. His dedication didn’t kill as much time as he would’ve liked, but the poem read as follows:  
  
 _Little beetle, glitter and gleam  
Face the facts, sew the seam  
Make yourself scarce, ne'er be seen  
Take shelter  
Behind the Screen_  
  
It gave him nothing. He crumpled the paper and shoved it in his coat pocket, pacing back and forth in the miniature pathway he carved for himself. This must’ve been how Abigail felt in his room, jailed by garbage. AAA turned again and rammed straight into Horror. He was back in his ridiculous costume.  
  
“WHAT’S GOIN DOWN, FROWNER TOWN?” he twisted his body upside down and watched AAA owlishly.  
“What do YOU care?” AAA refused to look at him. He folded his arms and huffed.  
  
“WHAT DO I CARE? WHAT, AM I NOT ALLOWED TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT MY FAVVVORITE PLAYER?”  
  
Horror curled around AAA and hugged him with his bottom arms.  
  
AAA squirmed. “Don’t touch me, dude! And cut that act, I know you don’t care! Let me go!”  
  
“SOMEONE NEEDS A HUG. I CAN TELL. C’MON, SPORT, STOP BEING SUCH A WET SOCK! AFTER ALL, WE HAD TO WAIT IN YOUR DRAWERS FOR A MONTH BEFORE YOU SO MUCH AS GAVE US A GLANCE! YOU’VE BEEN IN HERE FOR ABOOOUT… 10 HOURS? HONESTLY, NOT BAD.”  
  
“I’ve been here… for 10 hours.”  
  
“EEYUP. WELL, 10 HOURS FOR YOU, A FEW SECONDS FOR EVERYONE ELSE. THIS ROOM ALTERS YOUR TIME PERCEPTION SO WE DON’T HAVE TO--”  
  
AAA held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear it. Just… save it.”  
  
  
“OOOH FEISTY! CAREFUL WITH THAT MOUTH, KIDDO, I CAME DOWN HERE TO OFFER YOU A DEAL! ONE THAT’LL GET YOU OUTTA HERE QUICK AS A FLASH.”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“I’M GOING TO DEDUCT 500 POINTS FROM YOUR OVERALL SCORE. THIS WILL LEAVE YOU IN THE NEGATIVES. BUUUUT… YOU’LL GET OUT NOW WITH HOURS AND HOURS TO SPARE. 60, TO BE EXACT. THAT’S NOT A BAD DEAL, IS IT?”  
  
AAA pulled his ears again. “... This is only level one, correct?” he mumbled.  
  
“YUP! THERE ARE PLENTY MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO GET POINTS BACK!”  
  
“Then I’ll do it.”  
  
“BRAVO, BRAVO!” Horror clapped and they were both out of the room like that. They were on the third floor balcony, back where Horror had hit him over the edge. “IT HAS BEEN DONE. GOOD LUCK, ARISTDAWDLE!”  
  
“Don’t call me that, ugh!” AAA whirled on him, but he was already gone. Again. AAA grabbed his flashlight and flicked it on, marching down the left hallway instead of the right.  
  
It wound past painting after painting of Horror and Beelze, a seemingly infinite number of comical and impossible portraits. The hallway stopped and made another left, continuing with its painting motif. They became less about the couple and more about how many funny, mocking faces Horror could pull.  
  
AAA took yet another left. More paintings, not a door in sight. Something was up. He began to backtrack and found himself in the same predicament: the hallway was endless, repeating, and gradually getting more gruesome no matter which way he went. Horror holding his own head. Horror poking out his eyeballs and ogling them at the viewer. Horror twisting himself into knots, so on.  
  
He began throwing paintings off the wall. There had to be a secret wall somewhere and, well, there was, but he was ungracefully catapulted through it by a hidden spring in the floorboards. He got up and examined his new surroundings.  
  
Lava. He was cornered by lava on all sides, the only exit across a treacherous up-and-down platforming section. AAA cursed his luck and waltzed up to the sign next to the first jump.  
  
‘WATCH OUT! THE FLOOR IS LAVA11!!’ it said.  
  
AAA kicked it into the pit and watched it burble and burn.  
  
He took a deep breath, stepped back, and leapt for the first platform. His foot slipped off the edge, and with a twist and a slap, he bellyflopped into the lava.  
  
Sensation returned to him from tail to fingertip in a tight, boiling rush. He was in the void again, pants alight, in front of the words ‘GAME OVER’. He frowned. Horrorpop emerged from the dark and patted out his flames.  
  
“WELL, KIDDO, THAT WAS A ROUGH FALL. DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO BE CAREFUL?”  
  
AAA wobbled to his feet.  
  
“No, you didn’t,” he spat. “What is this?”  
  
“OH, THIS LIL OLE THING? THIS IS YOUR GAME OVER SCREEN, PAL. YOU BURNED UP PRETTY BAD. Y’LOOKED LIKE A RAISIN.” he laughed.  
  
AAA was furious and dashed his flashlight on the ground. He gnashed his teeth.  
  
“I can’t BELIEVE you’d-- game over, are you serious!?”  
  
“CALM DOWN, ARTISDORK, YOU’VE STILL GOT LIKE, THREE LIVES LEF--”  
  
“No, YOU calm down! Shut up! I’ve had ENOUGH of this stupid, changing, rule-breaking game! I’m SICK of it! You call that a trail!? A trail of what, huh!? Endurance!?”  
  
Horror gnawed on his lollipop thoughtfully. “HMM… SORT OF. YOU’VE STILL GOT A BUNCHA TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT. YOU CAN’T EXPECT TO WIN ON THE FIRST TRY!”  
  
“You obviously don't know me.” AAA shoved his hands in his pocket and thumbed the paper. Game over screen. Behind the screen. It came back to him. He smacked his forehead repeatedly.  
  
“I can’t believe I’m THAT stupid!” he yelled.  
  
“I CAN! SERIOUSLY, KIDDO, JUST TRY AGAIN. I’LL PUT YOU BACK UP THERE AND--”  
  
“No. No, I know this trick,” AAA laughed dryly and stepped up to the GAME OVER letters. “I win, _Horrorloser._ ”  
  
AAA smashed his fist through the letters. They shattered like a window, cinematic until he fell directly in the cascading shards. They bit into him as he fell, and Horror gave him a scowl over the edge. He figured it out. He opened his palm to find one of the glass shards melted and morphed into a golden beetle ring. It looked at him curiously and buzzed, then went stock still.  
  
He pumped his fist just as he collided with the ground and was impaled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: When I first released this chapter, I forgot the very important poem LOL 
> 
> I'm an idiot.  
> Also Beelze uses they/them pronouns exclusively!


	3. HPSPFFT CH2 | DOCTORS

“What do you mean you put his arm on backwards?” 

“I dOn’t knOw! Here, let me try again…” 

The sound of peeling duct tape startled AAA into consciousness. A weighted cloth smothered his senses and straps clamped his limbs to a cold, hard surface. He wriggled and felt running grooves on either side of the surface, most likely a table, and shivered. Someone put pressure on his chest.  
  
“He’s waking up, give it a minute.” the voice was on his left.  
  
“But he’s nOt suppOsed tO yet! I gave him the right dOsage… I think.” this came from the right.  
  
AAA struggled and gasped like a fish. He couldn’t speak, move or see: his mouth felt like a wad of cotton. He tried to whine and flick his tongue against the roof of his mouth, but realized he didn’t _have_ one. Instead of screaming he buzzed, the wing-like appendages on his back slapping against the table. 

“HOld On, hOld On! EntO, keep him dOwn, please, I have tO fix this arm!”  
  
Another point forced his head to the table. 

“I’m trying, dear. I’ve only got two claws.” 

AAA could feel her twist them to make a point, but it made him wheeze. 

Three fuzzy claws grasped something on his midsection and tore it. AAA buzzed pathetically as it squelched away from his body one stringy muscle at a time. Duct tape was plastered over the wound. They released their grip on him and presumably stood back to examine.  
  
“I think he lOOks fine with Only five arms, right?” 

“It’ll do… hopefully it isn’t permanent.”  
  
AAA gnashed his mandibles, his voice a tinny whine. “Will any of you tell me what’s going on!?” 

“Oh, right, sOrry!” she removed his blindfold. “Like what yOu see?”  
  
The woman was a green moth, her body similar to two colored puff balls with googly eyes tacked on. She held a round mirror in her forehands while the middle set toyed with a clipboard. Behind her, an unimpressed looking mantid who was ghostly in complexion, tapped buttons on a monitor. 

AAA couldn’t blink as he stared dead into the lights strung above. Then his eyes-- his many eyes-- met the mirror with horror.

He was an insect like them. He had six eyes red-and-blue eyes and five segmented limbs, with duct tape smacked where his fourth should be. His body had taken a pill-like shape, and he had a shimmering orange elytra where his wings sprouted. His fur was replaced with a hard, eye-burning yellow exoskeleton.

He was freaked. His antennae shot straight with strain as he pulled against his bindings. The moth doctor put the mirror down and touched his shoulder, smiling with her eyes.  
  
“YOu did great up there! HOrrOr was very impressed! SO impressed, in fact, he insisted we let yOu try Our new pOwer up right away! ThOugh, there seems tO have been a few kinks in the prOcess… sOrry!” 

She undid his binds, and AAA clenched his wings to his back in anticipation. His thoughts waxed vindictive, and the mere sight of that sniveling, green-and-pink insect would send him into a frenzy. He sat up and looked at his fists. The moth patted his head.  
  
“My name is Dr. DevOur, and that’s my wife, Dr. EntOmOlOgiest! We’re sO happy yOu cOuld make it tO level twO!” Devour clapped and letters spelling LEVEL TWO materialized in front of AAA. He swatted them to the side, the letters shattering against the floor.  
  
Ento sighed and got a broom and dustpan to sweep it up.

“What did you mean when you said this might be permanent!?” AAA squeaked. “I-I can’t be stuck like this forever! And I find my lack of bones disturbing!”  
  
AAA leapt off the table and landed with a click-clack. To his sickening delight he realized he didn’t have to turn around to see behind him. That’s one advantage, at least, but the mood doured when he studied the lab: the entire structure was made out of curling pipes and bulbous chunks of machinery that, at a glance, didn’t do anything useful.  
  
Instead of blast doors and keypads, the lab had several intestine-like holes that lead into the dark. Three behind him, two in front, and one on the ceiling. Aside the perceivable exits the lab was spacious, with one surgical table, several carts with complicated medical equipment, cabinets and shelves crushed against the walls. Ento had returned to her monitor and kept an eye on AAA.  
  
“First Of all, yOu dO have bOnes! YOu’re wearing them! SecOnd, yOu wOn’t be, just trust us! We have a special task fOr yOu tO cOmplete in the meantime. SOund gOOD?” Devour said.

“No! None of this ‘sOunds gOOd”, dude!” AAA threw all five of his hands in the air. “Look at me, I’m hideous! And as if I’d trust you-- any of you-- after what I just went through!”  
  
“You could be full of holes still.” Ento chimed. Devour nodded.  
  
“Full Of hOles AND cOmpletely smashed! YOu want tO talk abOut a disturbing lack Of bOnes? I can shOw yOu pictures Of--”  
  
“No, no, no, no!” AAA pulled his antenne and paced in a circle. “I don’t want to do your dumb task, I just want to beat this level as ME!”  
  
Dr. Devour blinked and produced cue cards out of nowhere. She mumbled as she went through them, then shook her head.  
  
“Well, there’s nOthing here abOut him saying nO… shOuld we take it frOm the tOp?”  
  
“What?” AAA stopped.  
  
“I don’t see why not. Second time’s the charm?” Ento said.  
  
They stalled in an A-pose before teleporting back to their original positions, with AAA laying on the table. He got up immediately and was pushed down by Ento. Devour had the duct tape.  
  
“Wait, wait!” he yelled. “Okay, fine, I’ll do your stupid fetch quest or whatever it is, just don’t touch me! And it better be quick!””  
  
Ento released him and stepped back, satisfied. “Told you.” 

“Hey, yOu were right! NOw, the task is simple: we need yOu tO gO deeper intO the lab and find the mOnster we accidentally released intO the bOiler rOOm.” Devour took her clipboard from one of the carts. It had a map on it, at least, it was supposed to resemble one: It was more of a manic toddler’s scrawl.  
  
“The last we saw him as was when he raced Off intO the tunnels! He cOuld be anywhere by nOw, and we really dOn’t have the time…”  
  
“... Especially if you want us to make haste with the antidote.” Ento finished. 

“Exactly! SO, we’re gOing tO give yOu this map, sOme crayOns, and snacks fOr the rOad, but use them wisely! They might hasten yOur… cOnditiOn.”

Devour handed him the clipboard with a packet of three crummy crayons and dubiously colored cookies. They were shaped like Horropop’s head in pink, green and cyan. Delicious. AAA grunted.

“And what about my glasses?” he said.  
  
Dr. Devour and Ento looked at each other and shrugged. 

“Sorry, kiddo, you didn’t have glasses when Horror carried you here, but,” Ento tapped her giant eyeball. “you should be fine! You have six eyes that’ll make up for it. Try and cheer up a lil, m’kay?”  
  
“Oh, cheer up, how easy. Thanks for the suggestion.” AAA stomped towards one of the back tunnels, snug between two broken cabinets. It looked ominous enough with a chilling draft wafting from it. 

He clambered up the rubble and scooted into the tunnel. It was too small for him to stand, so he had to crawl and tuck his goodies in his subset hands. He had to admit, they were useful for this drudgery. 

“GOOd luck!” Devour called.

AAA ignored her. The map was, predictably, useless. Even if he could guess which color was the tunnel he was in, they all overlapped and swung at jagged angles. He continued straight for an infuriating time, zig-zagging and scraping his wings against the top. 

He came to a lip where the tunnel dipped like a slide. The air was moist, dripping almost, and made him itchy. He scratched his thorax and crawled forward. 

His hand caught in a spongy puddle between the tunnels texture, like quicksand. When he tried to tank free, he sank deeper-- up to his forearm-- and the tunnel remained placid. 

He used his other hand to pull while he buzzed to gain torque. The floor clawed up his arm, gluing them both together and lapping at his underbelly. The map was gone, swallowed, and soon the rest of him would follow. It was slick too, and the oppressive heat made his antennae shrivel. 

AAA kicked at the ceiling. He was only delaying the inevitable, and grimly considered sticking his head in like a distraught Lenny. He inhaled and prepared to smack his head in, but a figure capered at the bottom of the slope. 

It looked like his glasses, the arms holding it upright, with teeth protruding from the lenses. It leapt on the ceiling and strutted across, stopping just above his head. AAA gaped. That was his prescription. 

The possessed glasses giggled and fell into his eyes, the force sending him under the floor. He felt it jump off his back and scuttle away. Whether it was the direct damage to his corneas or being submerged, it was pitch black, and his body was swaddled in pulsating heat. He couldn't breathe. He sank, down, down... 

Until he popped out of the ceiling of the laboratory, hitting the floor with a loud, wet slap. Dr. Devour poked him with a toe. She held multiple vials in her paws. 

"Already!?" she said. "HOney, yOu were right!" 

There was a chirp of triumph from Dr. Entomologiest. 

"Well? Get back up, slugger! YOu've gOt a level tO beat!" Dr. Devour shooed AAA to his feet. 

He shrugged her off and wiped a slimy film off his maxillary palps. 

"I almost drowned!" 

"SuffOcated, actually." 

"Whatever! Where am I even supposed to go!?" AAA said. 

As he turned around, he saw the map sticking to his back in a mirror, soggy, and the cookies crushed. 

"SOrry, can't help yOu! Hard mOde, remember?" she watched him struggle to peel it off. 

“That’s dumb and you know it--” the map ripped off like a bandaid. “ARGH! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Whatever! I’m just going to go back and… wait, where’s the tunnel?”  
  
AAA stared at the broken cabinets. Between them was a smooth, metallic wall. He blinked several times and nope, it wasn’t a trick. The map was different too, some noodly lines bisecting and curving into L-shapes.  
  
“Oh yeah! FOrgOt tO tell yOu that the lab dOes that. YOu’ll get used tO it! If yOu’d like, I can take yOu tO the shute? Just dOn’t tell HOrrOr I helped yOu.” Devour said.  
  
He held his head. 

"What kind of shute?" 

"The garbage kind! TOxic waste, bOdy parts, cOOkie wrappers… stuff like that!" 

She led him to a semicircle cut into wall. It was surrounded by hanging, flashing warning signs. It had a flap and, if he sucked in his abdomen, he should be able to slide down to who knows where. AAA sat and tested the entrance. The doctor was waiting. 

"Are you sure this is the only guaranteed way through?" he said. 

Devour scratched her chin. "I wOuldn't say that! It's just One Of them! Well? Off yOu gO!" 

"You're not gonna push me, are you?"

"NOpe! I'm gOnna kick yOu! YOu vibe?" Devour said, and kicked AAA square in the back. 

His curse was lost in the snap of the flap. He shot down the shute at a breakneck pace, his head glued to the ground as he sped along. Colors and patterns zipped past him as he pinged and swerved on the twisted ride; up, down, left and right, slamming into walls and protrusions. AAA was sure his heart would’ve flung from his mouth. 

He was mercifully spat out and rolled to a stop at the base of a furnace, crowded with litter and half-finished creatures. When his head stopped spinning he righted himself, considering the crushed cookies and the crinkled map in his hands. He rubbed where Devour had kicked him, then realized, had he been even an inch closer, he would’ve been incinerated. 

The heat from the furnace paled in comparison to his frostbitten fear. He waded into the heap of trash to gain distance, but his foot slipped on a gooey, wriggling creature. He tumbled down, lying on his back in front of the great fire.  
  
The room was suspiciously spacious and dark, piles of trash stretching upwards for miles. The only source was light was the furnace, which stretched to the shute and back. There were no immediate exits aside from jumping into the flames. AAA considered it briefly, watching it dance in oblivion. It wasn’t even efficient; there were no conveyor belts, no vacuum-like abilities to pull in trash. Only a furnace, roaring, smelling vile.  
  
AAA didn’t want to play anymore. 

Kicked, pushed, smacked and beaten; laughed at, mocked and transformed into an insectoid joke. He was convinced the game was designed to punish him for being a gamer-- even a prank Abigail pulled and watch him fail spectacularly while she sipped on a juice box. He choked back tears, both for dignity and the lack of tear ducts. 

A tiny tapping on his stomach shook him out of his brooding. He glared at the all-too-familiar pair of sentient glasses dancing on him. It trilled, splitting sideways to reveal an over sized tongue.  
  
AAA flinched and went to flick it off, but it bounced off his belly and snatched the bag of cookies out of his hands. He quickly retaliated and grabbed the end of the bag. They both tugged, the glasses exhibiting frightening strength for such a fragile thing. AAA had enough.  
  
He let go, letting the bag smack into the thing’s body. It yelped and released the bag, which AAA was on in a second. He then wheeled and kicked the glasses into the trash piles. He heard a whimper, saw movement and was finally alone.  
  
Not quite. Three golden beetles, shuddering and iridescent, swarmed his feet. He shooed them, and they stepped back. Then they ran further into the trash and stopped again. They wanted him to follow. 

He lept over limbless monsters and broken beakers with renewed vigor. The game showed a strong motif for golden beetles, and AAA had no doubt this led to the end of the second level. It had to. 

The things stuttered in and out of reality, one minute in front of him, the next clambering up a mound. AAA and the beetles stopped in a dark corner. The piles tapered here, though he couldn’t see the ground, if there was one. He caught his breath, and the beetles squirmed away. 

“ _ **Oh Aristotleee. I feel your pain. Come, and I’ll help you beat this godforsaken game. Just dig. That’s right, in the corner here.**_ ”

The voice startled him. It was a deep purr emanating from below, and a far cry from Horror’s showman tilt, but something about it was familiar. He began to toss handfuls of trash behind him.  
  
“Who are you?”

“ ** _Who I am you’ll find out soon enough. We’re both trapped here, you and I. Let’s help each other. It’s very simple…_** ”

AAA didn’t have to dig far. A small cove was carved into the corner and looked like a poorly sutured wound. Two wide, pink eyes stared at him, and a bony, spiked limb prodded the “stitches”. It seemed to grin. AAA bristled.  
  
“H… How can I trust you?” he said. 

“ _ **How can you trust anyone? I’m the only one who’s ever offered you help, Aristotle-- not even your own sister wanted to, and you know it, she thought you a burden,**_ ” the voice hummed. “ _ **I don’t have much time left, but I do have a poem. You’ve heard similar, no doubt, and you’ll have no trouble figuring it out. You’re a smart cookie.**_ ”  
  
AAA looked behind him. He felt eyes creeping, but there was no one there, just silent, toothy spires of refuse. The voice was right. His shoulders stooped as he leaned in, extending a hand into the dark.  
  
“I’m all ears. Help me.” he said.

“ ** _Good. Now listen well:  
  
Little player, upset at the obscene  
_** ** _Take a gander behind the screen  
  
_** ** _Little player, we’re not as bad as we seem  
_** ** _Chased away, forced to flee  
_** ** _Take the Scissors, cut us Free_** ”

“Cut you Free…? Where am I supposed to find the scissors? Do you know?”

“ _ **No, but I trust you’ll find it. Set us free, Aristotle,**_ ”  
  
“ _ **Set us Free.**_ ”

The voice faded. There was nothing but darkness and the roar of the furnace. 

\---

“I can’t believe you’re actually letting me go into the labyrinth!” Abigail said. She twirled around the garden, beaming.  
  
Beelzebugz pushed aside a floating teacup. Even with their lack of features, Abigail could tell they were smiling, too. 

“ _I promised, didn’t I? I wouldn’t lie to you. Let’s go, there’s a lot to see…_ ” they said, taking her by the forehand and leading her across the squared-off garden. They passed a gentle fountain, butterflies fluttering overhead, flowers blooming in multicolored beds. The clouds were passive, fat and lazy.

The grand archway above the labyrinth entrance was blooming with lavender, curled into the intricate leaves of the bushes. White fencing decorated the pathway. It was perfect, crisp, and completely contrasted the flying potted trees and quilts.  
  
Abigail let go of Beelze’s hand and stepped forward.  
  
“ _Wait._ ” they said.

“What? Aren’t we going inside?”  
  
“ _Yes. We’re going together. Slowly, as one…_ ” Beelze reached for her again. She rolled her eyes and held their hand, and they stepped into the labyrinth together.  
  
They were immediately faced with a decision: Left or right. To the left, the path turned into wild green grass with strange orange flowers creeping from the weeds. The right had a more industrial look; blackened soil, iron bits sticking out of the ground. Abigail gravitated towards the left, but Beelzebugz tugged her arm.  
  
“ _Where are you going…?_ ”

“Over there. C’mon!” Abigail frowned.

“ _You’re not going to ask me first? We’re doing this--_ ”  
  
“Yes, together, right. Sorry. Beelze, let’s go left. It looks waaay more pleasant than over there. Don’t you agree?”  
  
Abigail tapped her foot and gently squeezed Beelze. They took their sweet time responding.  
  
“ _No. Not everything is as simple as they seem, dear. Watch._ ” Beelze plucked a stone out of the air and threw it in the left-side grass. The orange flowers rose snake-like and fought to catch the intruder, spitting an acidic substance. Abigail was silent.  
  
“Oh.” 

“ _I’d hate to have that happen to you. Let’s go right; it’s much safer, and keep your eyes out for anything… too enticing._ ” 

They walked slower then, quiet and trained on the brown road ahead. It stopped at a sharp right angle and continued deeper into the labyrinth. The road became grassy again, and the path widened considerably. Little lanterns on white posts swung in the breeze. 

Abigail looked up at Beelze and sighed.  
  
“I’m sorry. About not listening, I mean.” she said.

“ _Apology accepted. Though, I wasn’t really mad…_ ” they scratched their chin. “ _If I may be so bold, you crave order and control; some sense in this madness hodgepodge, and you want it as soon as possible. Am I right?”_  
  
Abigail flushed and stared at her shoes. Her throat tightened.  
  
“I guess I can be a little pushy...”

They crossed an open field, a statue of Horrorpop battling another jacketed mantis in the center. Benches surrounded it on all sides, and a pond burbled in the leftmost corner. Beelze encouraged Abigail to sit.  
  


“ _That’s what separates you and your brother. You’re opposites; two sides of the same coin-- chaos and order-- unable to see where the other shines. You love him, but he infuriates you. Unlike yourself, he can’t see his own faults, and crumples when faced with them,_ ”  
  
Beelzebugz took a mirror out of their pocket and gave it to Abigail. They taped its surface, which rippled and revealed AAA. He was an insect, wielding five limbs and filthy from romping through trash. She wondered why he didn’t just fly and wrinkled her nose.  
  
“ _The answers are in front of him, but he needs you to point them out. He can weather the journey, but deciphering the destination is difficult for him. He is impulsive, stubborn, but he loves you, even though you try and chain him down._ ” they said, and put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
Abigail watched as AAA ran into a tunnel, like he was chasing something, determined to catch his quarry. Guilt tugged a sob out of her. She missed her brother. Beelze remained silent and tapped the mirror again.  
  
It faded and showed Abigail, wracked with understanding. 

“We have to help him,” she said. “I didn’t mean to--”  
  
Beelze shook their head and got up with Abigail. They held hands, Abigail clutching the mirror in the other, and left the statue behind. She didn’t think so much about direction, only that she was with Beelzebugz.  
  
“ _He chose his path by acting out, and you must follow yours, no matter how unfair._ ” they said.

“Then why did you show me that? Or even tell me?”  
  
“ _Because sometimes a little perspective goes a long way. We’re not here to hurt you, Abigail. We never were,_ ” Beelze stopped at another turn, their back to the bushes. ” _I actually have a favor to ask of you…_ ” 

Abigail nodded, though her eyes were on the mirror and its golden frame. Designs of beetles flying, eating and making merry surrounded the glass. Surrounded her.  
  
“ _I need you to keep this safe. Not just the mirror, but what’s inside,_ ” Beelze gently turned the mirror around and showed her a button in the center. They pressed it, and the metal wings spread, revealing a velvet-lined compartment. Inside was a single pair of ordinary sewing scissors. 

“ _I have to go for a moment and I trust you with my heart. Stay here. go back and sit on the benches if you’d like, I’ll return in a little while. Shouldn’t be too long._ ” 

“Wait, you’re leaving?” the spell broke. Abigail held the mirror to her chest. “Where are you going?”  
  
“ _I’m afraid I can’t tell you, dear, but I will be back. You’re brave and strong. You can handle it._ ”  
  
They nodded and stepped back into the bushes, their body melting away. 

“Thank you.” she said, alone in the labyrinth. 

\---

AAA cornered the glasses in a dead-end tunnel. It snarled and spat at him. He returned the sentiment with a buzz of his wings and a click of his mandibles, squatting low. Those were his glasses, and the thief was going to pay here and now.

He charged it, screaming with fury. The glasses ducked between his legs and scampered toward the opposite end while he careened into the wall. He turned sharply on his heel and bolted after it. 

He ran into something orange and massive. Beelzebugz had materialized in front of him and now held his shoulders at a distance, looking displeased or amused-- AAA wasn’t sure. He wailed in frustration and tried to step around them.  
  
“I have to get that-- that THING!”  
  
“ _No you don’t,_ ” they said. “ _I want to talk to you._ ”

“Yes I do! It has, or IS, my glasses and I NEED those to see!” he tried to bite Beelzebugz. They didn’t move an inch. 

“ _Do you really need them, though? You can see perfectly fine as far as I’m concerned. Be civil._ ” 

Beelzebugz ripped AAA off their arm and set him down. AAA realized they were covered in stitches, just like the cove in the corner. He kicked the floor and sat back.  
  
“What? WHAT could you possibly want? And aren’t you the one holding my sister hostage or something? How’s that going for you?” he said.  
  
“ _I’m not holding her hostage. We’ve had a few conversations about you, and in my observations.. I want to warn you: The path you’re on is not a friendly one. You’re after what you want, not what you need,_ ” they sighed and dusted off their jacket. “ _And you’re self-centered. You don’t need those cookies; they won’t help you escape from yourself. Bug or not, you’re still Aristotle._ ”   
  


AAA heard a mic drop in the distance. He grit his teeth and squeezed the bag.  
  
“You really have been talking to her, haven’t you? Sheesh, just leave already if I’m so terrible!” he crossed his arms and frowned, but he couldn’t hide from Beelze. They raised their hands and walked into the wall.  
  
“ _That’s all I had to say. You have someone who wants to talk to you, anyway._ ”  
  
Beelzebugz disappeared. In their place, the pair of feral glasses stood, drooling, trained on his bag of cookies.  
  
“You want them?” he said. The glasses nodded with its tongue, splattering AAA. “Fine, take them. I’m not even hungry.”  
  
He tossed the bag at it, which it ate greedily, cookies and all. It waltzed up to him and tried to nudge his arms. AAA pushed it away.  
  
“Go! Shoo! I don’t want to play.”  
  
It whined and jumped to lick his face, trailing it with saliva and crumbs. It put itself in his arms, looking up at him toothily.  
  
“Wait... are you the missing monster?” AAA held it up. “Do you know the way back to the lab?”

It yapped. He took that as a yes and let it clatter to the ground, before popping up like a spring and running towards the furnace. AAA groaned and trailed along, tripping over cups and body parts and receiving excited nips on the heels when he didn’t move fast enough. 

The heat of the furnace was startling, even more so that it didn’t melt the glasses. He looked at the impossible map, then back up at the wall of flame.  
  
“Don’t tell me we have to go into it.” he said.  
  
The glasses shrugged with its tongue somehow and cannonballed into the fire. AAA was close behind.

It didn’t singe or tear off his exoskeleton, rather, it felt like a warm, welcoming blanket. The brief pleasantry was spoiled when he fell from the lab’s ceiling once more, smelling of burnt toast. The glasses jumped on his stomach as the doctors gathered around him.  
  
“Ohhh lOOk at yOu! YOu did it!” Devour said.  
  
“Congratulations! And you didn’t even need the antidote!” Ento added, helping AAA to his feet.  
  
“What do you mean I--” he stopped. He had paws again, his long, floppy ears, snout and tail. He would’ve squealed with delight had he not been so exhausted. “Finally! I wish I could hug myself!”  
  
“I’ll hug yOu!” Devour stepped closer.  
  
“Absolutely not!” AAA held up his hands. His two normal, fluffy hands. 

“Aw, well, alright. Gnaw will hug me, then! Isn’t that right Gnaw yOu cuuutiee!?” Devour picked up the glasses and scratched under its frame. It purred and gurgled. “SOrry we kinda lied tO yOu abOut Gnaw. He’s just a little rascal that likes tO play! Aren’tcha bOy? Aren’tcha?”

“You beat level two, though, and we’re so proud of you! Here, take these gifts.” 

AAA watched, slack jawed in disbelief. Ento pinned a #2 ribbon on his hoodie and held a case in her claws.  
  
The case contained a new pair of glasses, nearly identical to the ones he forfeited to Gnaw. He put them on and reeled at the quality: He could really see. He was overwhelmed, grateful and angry in one. AAA exhaled slowly.  
  
“Okay, okay cool, thank you both, but what about level three? Where am I supposed to go for that?” he said.  
  
“Pfffft, silly yOu dOn’t GO tO level three! We shOOt yOu Out Of a cannOn intO space!”  
  
He wasn’t surprised. Ento clapped and summoned a carnival-like cannon out of thin air, pointed straight at the ceiling. She opened the hatch and gestured for him to step in.  
  
“After you!” she said. “And tell Horror to visit sometime!”  
  
AAA climbed into the cannon. The door was shut behind him, and all he could hear were the farewells of the doctors, the lighting of a fuse and finally, the rush of air and sulfur as he was shot bodily into space. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is where our story ends for now! I'm a good 8-ish pages into CH3, but senior year has been killing me. Maybe some love and encouragement will get us through, who knows!
> 
> ... Buuut also CH3 is massive. It's a doozy!


End file.
